WELCOME TO THE CLUBHOUSE
|
Playing at Blackheath |
Notice Boards |
Information |
Nid reports: 2nd July 2007
With an improved weather forecast for the weekend, the government has raised
the Barror threat level to 'critical' meaning that a Barrorist attack is imminent.
After two weeks in which rain meant the threat level was reduced, the likelihood
of cricket on Sunday means once again the Twos will suffer from a reckless attacking
shot from Carson Brooks which will plunge their innings into chaos.
Frank Gardener, the BBC's security expert said "Since the attack of 17/6
(when Barra was dismissed LBW trying to hit a six in the third over), the Twos
have grown complacent. Two weeks have passed since the last cricketing atrocity
and life has returned to normal. However, the dangers posed by Barrorists are
as great now as they were then. It is only a matter of time before another indiscriminate
attacking shot. The threat level is critical which could mean an attack as soon
as Sunday."
Brooks, who has frequently demonstrated in aggressive fashion his objections
to the continuing occupation of the crease, could attack at any time. A government
spokesman said "It could be his first ball or it could be third but an
attack is coming." When it comes it is feared that the attack could have
devastating consequences for the Twos.
Those threat levels explained:
Low - an attack is unlikely (never used)
Moderate - an attack is possible, but not likely (Carson is out and pondering
a stint of umpiring)
Substantial - a reckless attacking shot is a strong possibility (Wrighty is
telling Carson to bat sensibly but he's not listening)
Severe - a reckless attacking shot is highly likely (Carson has his pads on)
Critical - a reckless attacking shot is expected imminently (Carson is at the
crease)
Two Mexicans are stuck
in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to
death.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when
all of a sudden.......
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell?
Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet."
"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee".
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and
there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture . There's fried bacon, back
bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Eet EES a bacon tree!"
"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?;
We ees in the Desert don't forget."
"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon...ees
no meerage, ees a bacon tree".
And with that ...Luis races toward the tree.
He gets to within 5 meters, with Pepe following closely behind, when all
of a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.
It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he
manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
"Pepe...go back man,you was right...ees not a bacon tree."
Luis Luis, mi amigo...what ees it?
"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...
Ees..........
Ees...
Ees.........
Ees..........
Ees...
Ees....
... Eees a Ham Bush
Born before the 80's ?
CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THEOSE BORN IN THE 1940's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they
carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a tin, and didn't get
tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based
paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking
.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a van - loose - was always great fun.
We drank water from the garden hosepipe and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cakes, white bread and real butter and drank pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down
the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes
a few times, we learned to solve the problem
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no
99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones,
no text messaging, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet
chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits
from these accidents .
We played with worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
Made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out any eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Local teams had trials and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't hadto learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and
inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!
*
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as
kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own
good.
Subject: Warning
I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close miss today. I walked into B&Q at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in orange asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately, I got the first punch in and that was the end of that. Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.
Blackheath Cricket Club - From the Kent League Handbook 2007
The 2006 season would normally have been remembered for the Club establishing its 1st XI in the Premier Division with a highly creditable 5th place after promotion last season - but even this achievement was overshadowed by the first ever title won by the 2nd XI.
The Premier 2nd XI title was captured on the final day after a season long
battle with Bromley. We began the day 17 points clear so when Sandwich batted
first in their game with Bromley we were champions! Never before in our 34 years
of League cricket have the 2nds threatened to win the title - but this Championship
was well deserved.
Our team was highly experienced - indeed the oldest 2nd XI in the Premier -
and had all round depth. Openers Hadleigh Luff and Chris Willetts vied for the
top run scorer slot all season; skipper Christian Dean led the middle order;
Clive Ogbimi and Riv Monsell stepped up from lower teams to use the new ball
and showed they should have been selected earlier and Yoda - (Chris Swadkin)
wheeled away to burgle 40 wickets. However the real reason for our success was
the strength in depth in the club. Whoever came in from the 3s or 4s did a job
- we fielded 30 players in our 2nd XI and despite this turnover, were always
able to compete.
That strength in depth is also the reason that our 3rd and 4th XIs took promotion
to the Kent League from the Feeder in their stride. Dave Farnell's 3rd XI may
have faded a little as the season wore on but remained in the top half of Div
5 whilst the 4ths captained by Al Dunning were Div 5 champions, with Daryl Copsey
leading wicket taker in the Division.
We should not forget however the achievements of our 1st XI who overcame a very sticky start to Premiership cricket with a strong second half which lifted them into the top half. Skipper James Hands, with massive assistance from the ageless Rupert Staple and leg spinner Richard Woods gave our bowling attack an edge which made up for our consistently inconsistent batting performances.
Now with 7 Saturday teams established and 6 playing League cricket, the club probably cannot grow much further - but we still have much to achieve. Amongst them, sustaining Premiership status; retaining the 2s title; further promotions from 3rd XI down. A key priority in 2007 will be a major push to give opportunities to young players throughout our League teams - from academy scholars Alex Senn and Warren Lee in the 1st XI down to promising U/14s in the South Thames League team.
Whatever we do though we intend to enjoy the season and make sure we introduce young players into an environment which hooks them into cricket for life.
GILO LOOKS FAVOURITE FOR BRISBANE AFTER MONTY BLUNDER
Despite being selected to play against South Australia ahead of his spin rival,
Ashley Giles, Monty Panesar looked set to miss out on selection for the Gabba
last night. Duncan Fletcher struggled to be diplomatic in the press conference
after Day One of the match describing Monty's display in the field as "unacceptable
for an international cricketer."
Fletcher's gripe is with the state of Panesar's shirt "He may not enjoy
bowling on flat decks but his shirt should be flat pressed." It seems that
Fletcher's nagging doubts about Monty's ironing resurfaced after a period in
which the young spinner was said to have worked really hard at his technique.
When Monty appeared with an immaculately ironed shirt earlier in the summer
the England coach had said "Look - the guy's family just bought him a new
ironing board. It's dead flat. Let's see what he can do when he's on an unresponsive
ironing board which shows signs of wear and tear." According to one of
the England tour party, the ironing boards in the team hotel were "cracked
like a day five pitch" and Monty had fear in his eyes when he saw the surface.
Since coming on to the test scene, Monty has averaged more than three wickets
a game but concerns about his ironing have kept him out of the one-day side.
According to Fletcher, Monty was pencilled in for the ICC Champions Trophy but
was omitted after a "schoolboy ironing blunder". Apparently Panesar
failed to turn his ODI shirt inside out before ironing it, thereby melting the
'O' and 'D' of the Vodafone logo which then stuck to the bottom of Monty's iron.
While it is thought that Vodafone had been looking to terminate their association
with the England one-day team ('Vodafone and the England One Day Side - Unable
to Connect' as one Aussie journalist has written), Monty has been told that
is not the way it is done in international cricket.
Fletcher has long been a fan of Ashley Giles multi-dimensional game "On
an Ashes tour you have to be able to bat, bowl, field and iron. You're thousands
of miles from home and, if you're not careful, those Aussie crowds can really
get on your back. There's nothing these crowds enjoy more than getting stuck
into some poor guy who walks on to the field with a creased shirt." Australian
fans are notorious for their intolerance of sloppy ironing by touring sides.
Giles, who was often trusted with ironing Michael Vaughan's shirt during the
last Ashes, is thought to have worked hard on remodelling his ironing action,
and is said to be flatter and tighter to the ironing board.
In the tour game, with the exception of Monty the rest of the team looked rather
flat.
MCGRATH'S AGE 'NOT A PROBLEM' (November 17th)
Glenn McGrath has defended himself against critics who have branded him 'too
old' to make predictions about the forthcoming Ashes contest. "These journalists
and former players are bitter blokes who are jealous of my ability to predict
5 - 0 Ashes whitewashes."
McGrath has been Australia's foremost clairvoyant for more than a decade regularly
predicting 5 - 0 whitewashes of England. Since his Ashes debut in the 1998/99
series, McGrath has shown a metronomic ability to predict a whitewash. "I
may have been out of the game for a long period" says the 36 year-old "but
you don't just forget how to make predictions." Ricky Ponting has defended
the fast bowler saying "Glenn's world class when it comes to making predictions.
No matter's who's in our side or the England side, Glenn just comes right out
and says 5 - 0 and this series is no exception."
McGrath has refuted suggestions that he should be replaced by a younger man
"Ashes series are the biggest in cricket. You replace an experienced player
like me and the new guy might come in with predictions affected by nerves, or
even worse, realism."
Some former Australian test players have questioned whether McGrath can still
do a a job with the crystal ball at this level. Jeff Thomson says "Glenn's
been one of the best predictors of whitewashes we've ever had. He's got a flawless
record. But as you get older, you lose a bit of pace. His first whitewash prediction
this series came just 60 days before the Gabba test. In the past he's sometimes
called the Ashes whitewash three years out."
It remains to be seen whether McGrath has one more Ashes prediction in him (ask
him). For many though, the peak of his career was in 1997 when he predicted
a 5 - 0 whitewash after Australia lost the first test and drew the second in
England.
However, past his peak or not, his skipper is fully behind him "Glenn's
amazing. It doesn't matter what the state of the two sides is, what the conditions
are like he'll produce. Form is temporary but for Glenn whitewash predictions
are permanent."
MACGILL WORKS ON NEW MYSTERY DELIVERY (7 November)
While Shane Warne works on his new mystery ball for the Ashes ('Flipper #12'),
Stuart MacGill has been preparing a mystery delivery of his own for the Ashes.
"I've perfected a new cordial mix. While it appears to be a 20:80 mix of
cordial to water, it's in fact a 25:75 mix. Only after you've had a swig can
you taste the difference" says MacGill.
Australia's Number Two leg-spinner, who has previously been criticised for being
'too full' when it came to the jug of cordial he brings on to the field every
hour when his squad-mates are on the field, says that overfilling of the jug
is a thing of the past. "I've worked really hard and the cordial's coming
out really well. I'm raring to go, ready for the Ashes and looking forward to
running out on the field with the jug. There's no greater feeling than that
first drinks break of a new Ashes series. It doesn't get any bigger."
Aussie skipper Ricky Ponting has said of MacGill's new cordial mix "It
looks exactly the same as the old 20:80 mix - he's in the best form of his life
on the drinks front and if he maintains that, then younger players will have
to step up if they're going to wrest the jug from his grasp."
However, in yet another sign of the tension down under a number of former players
including Greg Ritchie, Dennis Lillee and Thommo have written a letter to the
Sydney Morning Herald to brand the new cordial mix "too sweet".
Good News from Australia - Rosanna are Premier Champions
Disturbing News from Australia - Happenings at Rosanna
More Good News from Downunder - Balwyn are Premier Champions
Midweek cricket during the summer
Indoor Cricket - Email Andrew Roy
Do you shop at Tesco's? Read about the Nationwide scam!
BE WARNED!
I don't how many of you shop at Tesco, but this may be useful to know. I am
sending this to you to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have
become a victim of a clever scam whilst out shopping. This happened to me at
Tesco in Watford and it could happen to you.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking young girls come over to your car as you are packing
your shopping in the boot. They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag
and Windolene, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to the nearest Tesco. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start kissing each other to arouse you. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet & any loose fruit.
I had my wallet stolen last Thursday, Friday, twice on Saturday and also yesterday.
Please beware!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A 69 year old senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him with no problem "thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph! Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing."
He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.
The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."
The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Watching the test today it reminds me ....."Great to see that Key can't get runs for good old England. He did against Blackheath 2s not long ago 67 in 47 overs. At one point, whilst facing an inspired spell from Rupert 'I played county' Hill, he turned to Gafa and said "how do you get this bloke away"? The future of English cricket.....I bloody hope not!! Get Ian Bell in!!! .... Deano
Blackheath bird watchers & chasers meet up with their guide and mentor ...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Greene King and Cockspur Rum to sponsor The Club
We are delighted to announce that Greene King and Cockspur Rum will be our major sponsors for season 2004 replacing Berkmann Wine Cellars and Trimedia. Greene King who have been supplying our beer at the club for a number of years will be our major shirt sponsors and have agreed to sponsor a special Benefit game in aid of Kent and England spin bowler Min Patel who started his career at the Rectory Field.
The Greene King Challenge will feature the full Kent side captained by David Fulton pitting their wits against a Min Patel Invitation side in a special 20/20 exhibition match on June 18th 2004 starting at 5.30 pm.
Cockspur Rum have recently negotiated a 3 year deal with the England and Wales Cricket Board as title sponsor of the National Knockout. They have agreed to become the sponsor of the London Floodlit 6s competition which will take place on Friday 6th March starting at 10.30 am. The event will become The Cockspur London Sixes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A 747 was starting its descent and the pilot had forgotten to turn off the P.A. system.
''As soon as I clock off'' he said, ''I'm going to have a nice cold beer and then screw the ars(e) off that blonde flight attendant.''
The horrified flight attendant made a dash toward the cockpit, but tripped over in the aisle. A little old lady sitting there whispered, ''There's no need to hurry love, he said he was going to have a beer first.''
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US Naval ship and the Canadians, off the coast of Newfoundland, Oct 95.
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision. AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CANADIANS: Negative. I say again, You will have to divert your course.
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER US LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
CANADIANS: We are a lighthouse. You decide.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winter Nets start end of January - Watch this website for details
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jim Hands representing Cornwall - Scorecard from Amsterdam
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cricket Week Photos - 2003
Blackheath v Balwyn - 2003
Blackheath v Rest of the World - 2003
Floodlit 6 a-side - 2003
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All the Photos from School Disco : held at the Rectory in July 2003
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good Match for Jim Hands - Cornwall v Oxfordshire : 131 runs and 4-68 of 28 overs, click on the link for match report
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
News Shopper Match Report 2nd July Blackheath 1st XI v HSBC
Blackheath are so professional By Blackheath turned in a thoroughly professional performance as they outclassed HSBC at Lennard Road on Saturday. For the third week on the trot, the weather was set fair and Blackheath won the toss. Skipper Paul Frith chose to chase after two weeks of unkind fates had seen his team beaten by two and one wicket respectively when Blackheath had batted first. Simon Gane (1-26) and Rupert Staple (2-38) bowled an aggressive opening spell, and despite finding the edge on several occasions, the batsmen rode their luck. As the skipper took the pace off the ball, spin twins Hands (1-38) and Richard Jerman (4-30) put the home side firmly in trouble as they tried to post a testing target. Griffith, who fell for 61, was the only player from HSBC to demonstrate any authority. As Frith and Mel Ragnauth set about chasing the 162 needed for victory it was apparent that the main danger was going to be Scott Flewellen, the HSBC skipper, who bowled with good pace. The experienced opening pair were soon dispatching the ball to all parts as Flewellen and then the rest of the HSBC bowlers went to the boundary on numerous occasions. Frith (85) fell frustratingly short of a hundred but the partnership of 147 with Ragnauth (57) was good enough to win the match for Blackheath.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seen &
Heard In the Village
Mr Malcolm Stokes was in O'Neils on Sunday evening and very kindly (and in my
opinion- unselfishly) aided one of you in the acquisition of some company for
the evening. As is the way of pub conversation "..am glad you have turned
up mate, I am playing some shots down here and I am need of a batting partner-
can you help?" the two protagonists failed to establish who was batting
3 or 4 - 'mate' was the only reference... Suffice to say, when our Mr Stokes
woke-up on Monday morning, the young lady having successfully eluded his grasp,
he felt that she deserved another chance.
His problem is that he knows her name, but not the guy who introduced him, therefore not the friend of the girl and anyway he should have got her number, let alone letting her off the hook!
So as Mr Stokes has done
an artists impression- "Quite tall, receding curly/ gingerish hair, northern
accent...and been seen batting in the village for many a month"......
Over to you Redders I presume...help Stokes out!
Up the club!!
Kind regards,
....."receding curly/ gingerish hair,.....(????!!!)" You cheeky fecker!!!!!!!! You are definitely not getting her number now.....!!!!
I think it was myself and Mr Frith (then absent) who laid the ground work for Mally's `result`.....credit where credit is due please.....
However, I think Fiery was last seen running after his motor as it serenely rolled down the hill outside the Crown....(just ask him...!!)
Up the Club
R
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No wonder Chas is retiring early.......
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From SPORTSPROMOTIONS
"We are a sports agency based at Crystal Palace National Sports Centre and I am enclosing a booklet with details of the company.
We have been asked to find male adult cricketers for a TV ident. We are casting (like an interview but based on how you look!) here next Wednesday or Thursday. We are looking for cricketers who are available to cast on one of these days and available to film the following week for approximately 5 hours.
The pay will be in the region of £250. We are an agency and when we find people work we take a 20% agency fee from all earnings.
If you have anyone that you feel may be interested, with the work flexibility to be able to cast and film please can they call Yvonne Adair -020 8659 4561 - after 10am on Monday 12 May.
Yvonne Adair "
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pictures from the South Thames Presentation evening, 25th April - Alan Luff scoops award for bowler of the year, Hamish Purdey picks up the winners shield for the 3rd XI.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blackheath Golf Day Friday 11th April - Pictures from Hever Golf Club
The second Blackheath golf day was well attended by 15 players, 7 of which play for the mighty weed.
Blessed with good weather and plenty of banter the morning round consisted of a 9 hole Texas scramble. The winning team (score: -1) consisted of Hamish Purdey, Simon Dawson, Peter Stringer and Chris Stone.
After a healthy lunch and liquid refreshment all 15 teed off for the afternoon Stableford competition, with the added incentive of nearest the pin on the tricky 12th (won by Toby Offen) and the longest drive on the 9th , with winner Richard 'Reggie' Jerman holding on to his title for the second successive year.
First and second places were swapped for this year with winner Toby Offen scoring 35 points off 18 handicap. Second place went to Graham Hutchins 33 points off 12, and third to Hamish Purdey 32 off 18 and Adam Tarrant also 32 off 18.
All in all a good day was had by all and plans are already in motion for another day in September. Thanks go to all those who made the effort to attend - Hutchy
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2" in diameter. He then asked his students if the jar was full. They all agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. Again, they agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "Yes."
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar - effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed. "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter - like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. "The small stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beware! I got this today and the warning is genuine! Yesterday, a friend was travelling on a Paris to London flight. A man of Arabic appearance got off the plane and my friend noticed that he had left his bag behind. She grabbed the bag and ran after him, caught up with him in the terminal and handed him back his bag. He was extremely grateful and reached into his bag which appeared to contain large bundles of money. He looked around to make sure nobody was looking and whispered "I can never repay your kindness, but I will try to....with a word of advice for you: Stay away from Wales". My friend was genuinely terrified. "Is there going to be an attack?" she asked him. No ... ", he whispered back...... "It's a shit-hole."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again Said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized."Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!
Sign up for the Email List where members can subscribe: Click HERE for details.